The Dating Game
by Annie Lune
Summary: Sara knows she’s dreaming, but now all she has to do it wake up. And she has to get Brass to realize that she is not going to pick one of the “lucky” bachelors, even if they are Nicky, Grissom and Greg. - Finished -
1. Before the Commerical

**Title**: The Dating Game

**By**: Me, Annie Lune. 

**Summary**: Sara knows she's dreaming, but now all she has to do it wake up. And she has to get Brass to realize that she is *not* going to pick one of the "lucky" bachelors, even if they are Nicky, Grissom and Greg. 

**Disclaimer**: They were getting dusty on my shelf, so I decided to take them down to play with. Just to play with though, please don't sue. I've only got ten bucks and a Starbucks card. 

**Spoilers**: Nope. I sure wish though.

**A Note**: This is what happens when I have too much free time on my hand, and then too much chocolate on top of that. I basically sat down at the computer and began typing, so this might make total sense, or no sense at all. But let's hope that it makes sense, okay? Okay. Sounds good. Sara might be slightly out of character here, but I would too if I were in this situation. 

_Flames will be mocked Under the Bridge. _

*a.l. 

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The lab was quiet. Too quiet. Sara stuck her head into the dark break room. 

"Hello?" she called, only to hear no reply. "Okay, where is everyone?" she asked flicking on the lights only to reveal nothing. 

"HELLLLLOOOOO?" Sara's voice echoed off the wall in there. She turned away from the room, and walked down the hall. No one was in any of the labs, or in the hallway, or collected by the water cooler. No one was in the lab at all. 

"Okay guys, you can come out now. This isn't funny…" she called into the silence as she glanced over her shoulder. All of those horror movies that she had seen were starting to come back to her. A woman alone in an empty building… no one to hear her scream…

Sara quickened her walk as she made her way though the lab trail throwing open every door she came too checking for signs of someone. This was beginning to freak her out. The lab was never empty, _never_. Sara came to Grissom's office, only to see the door closed. Grissom must be in there, she thought, and slowly walked forward. She lightly pushed open the door just enough so she could turn on the light, and her hand crept towards the switch. Her fingers were on the plastic, and Sara took a deep breath. She flicked on the lights.

"Sara?" A cold hand was placed on her shoulder, and Sara, of course, screamed. 

She whipped around ready to fight off her attacker, but came face to face with a startled Catherine. "Erm, what are you doing?" Catherine asked cocking one of her eyebrows. 

"Where have you been?" Sara demanded, her heart still racing. 

"We've been waiting for you. Come on, you're going to be late." Catherine said and walked down the hall. Sara had no choice but to go running after her. 

"Catherine, were are you taking me?" Sara questioned as Catherine walked towards a door that Sara had never seen before. She recognized the part of the lab that she was in, but this door was unfamiliar. Sara knew the lab like the back of her hand, and she would have known about this door. 

Catherine turned to face Sara, placing her hand on the knob. "Are you ready?" Catherine asked, but not waiting for Sara to reply, pushed the door open. A blinding light came though the other side, and Sara put her hand up to shield her eyes. Catherine took the other hand and led Sara through the door. 

"You found her!" Warrick called, but Sara couldn't see her, for the light was still blinding her, and she had no idea where she was going now. 

"Yeah, everything ready? Good. Let's her on stage." Catherine replied, still leading Sara.

"On stage?" Sara asked finally removing her hand from her eyes, but she immediately put it back up. It was like the sun was in the room. It was painful to open her eyes, and she wondered why Catherine wasn't bothered by it. 

"There. Places everyone!" Catherine called, and removed her grip from Sara.

"Wait, where are you going? Where am I? What am I doing here??" Sara called to whoever was going to answer. 

"We're on in five…" a voice from above boomed. "Four…three…two…"

Suddenly, the lights went out, and Sara lowered her hands. "Finally. Now does someone want to tell me what is going on?" Sara opened her eyes, and thunderous applause erupted from in front of her. 

"Oh my…" Sara started, but she couldn't finish. An entire studio audience was sitting in front of her. Sara's first instinct was to run in the opposite direction, but she wouldn't have been able to. At that moment, Brass came walking over to Sara and took her by the hand.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I welcome our next contestant, Sara Sidle!" Brass said into the microphone that he was holding. 

"Brass, what are you doing? Why am I here, who are these people??" Sara mumbled through clenched teeth to him, but it was as if he didn't hear her.  

Brass put the microphone back up to his mouth. "Now, whose ready to play the Dating Game?"

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"Would you like to explain to me what is going on?" Sara asked once again folding her hands across her chest.  

"Don't you want to meet your potential dates?" Brass asked in his unmoral perky voice. 

"NO." Sara stated firmly. "What I want to you do is tell me why am _I am here_." 

"You're here to play the Dating Game!" Brass said in a booming voice. He spread his hands out in front of him, and the audience erupted into applause again. 

Sara had two thoughts in her head at this moment. One: kill who ever set up this mean and cruel joke and Two: if Hank is on the other side of this wall…

"So…let's get started!" Brass said turning to Sara and jamming his microphone into her face. "Miss Sidle, please, tell us a little about yourself?"

"Please tell _me _that this isn't happening." Sara replied dryly. 

"Oh, come on? Where is your spirit? You're the lucky bachelorette and there are three lucky bachelors on the other side, just waiting to meet you! What woman wouldn't jump at that chance?" 

"Uh, me?"

"She's a funny one, isn't she?" Brass said to the audience, and then turned back to Sara. "Play along Sara and you will win great parting gifts." Brass mumbled to her through clenched teeth. 

"This is all a dream. I know it. Please, pinch me now Brass, and let me get on with my day." Sara responded back pushing the microphone out of her face. 

"You can pinch yourself all you want, Sara, but this isn't a dream…. this is the Dating Game! Now, let's begin." Brass turned away from the audience, and signaled to Warrick, who was standing off stage with Catherine. 

Sara saw Warrick pick up a microphone in front of him, and Catherine handed him cue cards. "Our Lucky lady today is none other than CSI Level 3 Sara Sidle." Warrick's voice boomed over the speakers on the set. "She enjoys work, and doing more work, and when she's not working – which is practically never – Sara can be found at home listening to her police scanner, reading forensic books, and flipping though mail-order catalogs. Sara enjoys long walks on the beach and romantic dinner dates, but don't order her chicken! Sara's strictly a vegetarian and can get pretty miffed when you bring up meat. But don't let that turn you off! She's a spunky girl, and any guy would be lucky to have her!" 

Sara wore a perplexed expression on her face, and was still trying to process what Warrick had just said. "I do _not_ enjoy walks on the beach, Brass." She said turning to him, but he wasn't paying attention. He was standing over on the other side of the stage next to a curtain. 

"Sara, are you ready to meet the lucky bachelors?" Brass asked excitedly.

"No." Sara replied curtly, but Brass didn't seem to notice. He pulled a string, and the other side of the curtain illuminated. Sara could make out three people on the other side. 

Brass turning back to Sara with a huge grin on his face, "Sara, get ready to meet your potential dates!" 

"But I don't want to meet them. I want to go HOME." Sara cried, but no one was listening to her and her complaining. Warrick was reading descriptions of the lucky bachelors. 

"Here's a guy who's not afraid to love his cable package. What he is afraid of though, is having a gun pointed in his face and people who stalk him. He's always hungry, thinks cows drink milk, and has a sometimes-horrible sense of fashion. He's from the state where everything is big…Give it up for bachelor number one!" Warrick yelled into the microphone as the audience applauded. Sara rolled her eyes. 

"He's a soft spoken guy, but don't get the idea that he doesn't know how to communicate. He fluent in sign language and probably speaks bug too. He's got a soft spot for dominatrix-s, anthropologists and many more unusual people. In his free time he likes to listen to opera, race cockroaches, ride roller coasters and go to the shooting range. He's sporting a new look this year that makes him look like a cross between Santa Clause and…well, I'm not sure. But anyway… Put your hands together for bachelor number two!" 

Sara wasn't listening. She was trying desperately to get Catherine's attention from off stage by waving her arms in the air, but Catherine didn't give her any notice. She was reapplying her makeup instead. 

 "And finally, our last bachelor. He likes to surf and scuba dive. He likes heavy rock music and wishes he could be a rock start. But don't think this guy is anything less that what he really is! He's quite intellectual and has his own coin collection to boot. Our bachelor might not be good at doing fingerprints or dealing with the sight of blood, but he is one _fun_ guy at parties. Give it up for bachelor number three!"  Warrick turned off the microphone and put it down. He then looked over at Sara, who was still waving her hands madly in the air, and gave her the thumbs up. She considered giving him another hand signal, but then Brass came back over and placed his hand on her shoulder. 

"Well Miss Sara, do you have any questions for our bachelors?" 

"No." Sara replied dryly. 

"Sara," Brass mumbled into her ear, "Play along with this and we won't have to hurt you…remember those great parting prizes…"

"Brass, the only thing I want to do right now is go home. I do not want to be here, I have no idea what is going on, none of this makes any sense, Nicky, Grissom and Greg are my potential dates, and you think this is a good situation or me to be in?? I am not going to play along!" Sara said getting to her feat. A silence came over the audience.

"Oh, she's just joking." Brass said, shooting her a nasty look out, and then turning to Catherine who came walking on stage. "Ah, the questions!" Brass took them from her and handed them to Sara.

"Sara, please pick which ones you want to ask each bachelor."

Sara opened the envelope that the cards were in and took them out. She flipped through the first few, and turned to Brass. "There is no way I am asking any of these guys what their favorite position is. I have _really _nasty images just saying that aloud." 

"Fine." Brass said as his jaw tightened, "you can ask them different questions then." 

Sighing, Sara picked up one of the other cards. She might as well play along with the whole thing. Brass did say that there would be parting gifts. 

"Bachelor number one." Sara asked, not enthusiastic at all, "If you were a fruit, what would you be?" Sara rolled her eyes. This was so pathetic.

"Hmmm. A fruit…" Bachelor number one thought, but Sara knew it was really Nicky. Who else thinks that cows drink milk? "I'd have to say…a…banana."

"A banana?" Sara asked, and then Brass yelled, "Let the contestant finish!" 

"Yeah, a banana. They start off green and then ripe as they get older, but they also bruise easily. And with a banana, you throw away the outside part and just concentrate on what's inside. That's what matters to me."

"Nicky, you're not a banana," Sara started, but Brass elbowed her before she could say anything else. 

"Very well, next question." Sara said shooting Brass a mean look. "Bachelor number two. If you could only say three words to communicate your feelings, what would they be?" Sara read the question and then paused. "Wait, I take that back. Don't answer that." 

"Sorry Sara, you asked the question and now it has to be answered." Brass said patting her on the shoulder.

"No. I do not want that questions answered by Griss-."

"SARA!"

"Sorry, Bachelor number _TWO_." She said emphasizing the word. 

"Well, it's the bachelor's decision now, whether to answer or pass." Brass added. 

"They can pass? Why can't I pass? Brass, this isn't fair." Sara complained folding her hands across her chest. 

"Bachelor number two, are you going to answer?" Brass called desperately trying to change the subject. 

"Hold on, I'm thinking." Grissom answered back. Sara shook her head.

"Brass, this is Bachelor number _two_ we are taking about. He is not going to answer." Sara stated, looking over at the curtain that separated her from the guys.

"Chalk. Plant. This." Grissom's voice came from the other side. 

"What was that?" Brass asked, walking over to the curtain.

"My three words: Chalk, Plant and this." 

Sara was speechless for about three seconds. Then she came to her senses. "How poetic." She  spat. 

Brass shot another look at Sara. "Do you care to explain your word choice, Bachelor number two?" 

 "Well, those are three things that mean a lot to me…the chalk represents…

"If you care, I am moving onto the next question!" Sara called out, making Brass spin around to look at her. 

"Bachelor number three." Sara read off the card. "Where would you take me on our first date?" 

"Disney World." Greg's voice came from the other side.

"That's quite an interesting choice." Brass commented. 

"Well, I like the place. We'd go on all the rides and get our picture taken with Mickey. I'm going for fun, not romantic." Greg contained, "But maybe there will be some fireworks." 

"Yeah, you keep dreaming that." Sara chuckled. If by the end of this she had killed off Nicky and Grissom, the maybe she would consider an extended vacation to Florida with Greg. But just maybe thought. 

"Well, that's the end of our first round, Sara." Brass said coming over to stand next to her. "Care to comment on the bachelors?"

"Must I?" Sara questioned, looking over at him. 

"You don't have to." Brass replied. 

"Good. Because the jury is still out." Sara sighed shrugging her shoulders. "So, now have I been put thought enough torture for one day? Can I go home now?" 

"Why would you want to go home when we still have the final round to play?" Brass asked, and the audience erupted into applause again. "We'll be right back after this commercial break."

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And now, being the _lucky_ contestant that _you_ are, review! 


	2. After the Commerical

Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! There is nothing like getting positive feedback on a story. :-)

So, here is the last part. I could have done more chapters, but I think I would have gotten repetitive with everything, and I didn't want that. Hence, enjoy – as always – and tell me what you think. 

*a.l.  

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"Catherine, you have to get me out of here." Sara pleaded with her for the forth time during the short commercial break. 

"Sorry Sara, no can do." Catherine replied, flipping her hair. 

"WHY?" Sara asked. She was seriously debating taking Catherine hostage just so she could get out of here. Warrick would certainly let her free knowing that Catherine was in danger. 

Catherine opened her mouth to say something, and then shut it. She shrugged her shoulders instead. "I just can't Sara. Why do you refuse to play along?" 

Sara stood there, trying to form sentences in her head, but they just didn't come. She opened her mouth just like Catherine, but then shut it. She then opened it again, and shut it once more. She opened it for a third time, and as she went to close it, she bit her tongue. "Because." Sara mumbled, but now her tongue hurt and it came out mumbled like "Bea-couse." 

"There has to be a reason Sara." Catherine stated, turning away from her too look in the mirror. Sara was trying desperately to figure out why Catherine was primping her self so much. She had been on stage once, and it was for a split second. But this is Catherine we are talking about again, and she probably just wanted to get all dolled up and prance around in ten layers of makeup and wear a long Vana White type gown. 

"FINE. You want to know the reason Catherine? Well, there is more than one, so you better get ready for this. ONE: I do not like being in front of people. I do not work well with living and breathing things, whether it is kids, or pets, or adults."

"You mean you like dead people better?" Catherine quipped, turning away from the mirror to look at her. Sara just cocked her jaw, and continued. 

"TWO: Brass is trying to set me up with Nick or Grissom or Greg. Just that alone will give me some good nightmares for the next few months. 

"TWO A: Nick. NICK? No. Not in a million and one years and over my dead body. 

"TWO B: Grissom? Catherine, the man is married to the job. I realized that first hand, remember? He is all bottled up inside and doesn't have a way out and some day he is just going to self combust and I really don't want to be around when that happens.

"TWO C: Greg. Okay, I'll go easier on Greg because he's a nice, funny guy. But he's Greg. The same person who blares rock music as all hours of the night and dances around the hall when he has nothing else to do, and has tried to get me to go out with him for the last four years. But out of all of them, he has the best shot because he will take me to Disney World."

A perplexed look came over Catherine's face. "Sara, you just eliminated all of your possible choices. Unless you want Brass…"

Sara held up her hand. "I'm not done." She protested. 

"THREE," Sara sighed, looking down at the floor. Oh, she liked Catherine's shoes…but not now, she told her self. "THREE," Sara began again, "I think I've giving up on this while 'dating' thing. Even Warrick said it. Work is my life. I do that for fun. I don't go to the movies…"

"But you did." Catherine cut in. Sara shot her a really mean look. 

"As I was saying…without work I don't have anything to do. I think having a 'boyfriend' would just interfere and mess my life up." Sara looked back up at Catherine's face. Catherine narrowed her eyes. 

"You really don't want to be here, do you?" she asked. 

"Catherine, I will baby-sit Lindsey every Saturday for the next four years, rain or shine, sickness or health, whatever. _I need to get out of here_."

Catherine contemplated her plea for a second. "Okay…"Catherine began, but it was at that second that Warrick walked over and grabbed Sara's shoulders.

"Were on in thirty seconds." He stated, and dragged Sara in the other direction. Sara let out a pathetic moan as Catherine waved bye. 

"Warrick," Sara purred, as an idea came to her head. "How would you like a new DVD player?"

"What?" He asked as he led her around backstage. 

"That's right, a _new_ DVD player, and a stereo system." 

"Sara, you can't bribe me into letting you go." Warrick stated as he brought her over to the side of the stage. Sara peeked through the curtain to see the audience beginning to take their seats again. She was still trying to figure out how all of this fit into the crime lab, and where the grant for this little expense had come from. 

"And why not?" Sara asked, turning to look back at Warrick.

"Because I set this little thing up for you, and I am not about to let you go home." He said, as he waked over to go get his microphone.

"What? _You_ set this up for _me_?" Sara was shocked. Why would Warrick put her through this torture? 

"You need something other than work Sara. You're going to burn out quick and end up living along in an apartment with fifteen cats all named after TV show sidekicks."

"I think I'm allergic to cats anyway Warrick." Sara mumbled. "And I see a little flaw in your plan. You seem to have gotten 'bachelors' _from_ work. How am I supposed to find something _outside_ of work, when they are all _work_? Couldn't you have gone to Barns and Nobles and hung out in the Crime section and pulled three random guys from there?" 

Warrick just stared at her. "We're on in five." He said, giving her a gentle push in the direction of the stage. "Four."

"Warrick!! This isn't fair!" Sara cried.

"Three."

"I will make your life miserable after this, mark my words."

"Two."

Brass came over and grabbed Sara, pulling her onstage. She thrashed at him, but then gave up. It was no use. She was going to be forced to go back onstage one-way or another. 

Sara hung her head in defeat as she shuffled her feet back onto the stage. The audience roared with applause and Sara considered yelling at them to stop and go home. Why were they so happy to see her anyway? Sara prayed that they weren't close friends and family who had come all the way just to see her be humiliated. But then, Sara only has about six relatives and a dozen close friends, so who were the rest of the people? Bet ya they are all people I've put away who are now on parole, Sara thought as she sat back down on the stool. 

"Welcome back ladies and gentlemen." Brass said into the microphone. "Now, our lucky lady has had some time to think about who she wants to go out on a date with…and her choice is?"

"What?" Sara said snapping her head up. "You never told me I had to choose NOW."

"I'm just joshing with you Sara. We've still got one more round to play!"

"But this is the second round." Sara pointed out.

"The second _and _final round."

"You never told me that there were only two rounds!" 

"From what I'm guessing, I haven't told you a lot of things, Sara." Brass commented as he looked over at her. He smiled, and Sara stuck out her tongue at him.

"Warrick, please tell us what this round is all about?"

"For this round, we gave all of our bachelors five hundred dollars-." Warrick began, but was cut off by Sara. "I didn't get any money!" she wined, and Warrick continued ignoring her. 

"-and told them to spend the money on what they would consider Sara's fantasy." 

"First of all," Sara began, getting up off the stool. "They did that in a commercial break? And secondly, do you want to rephrase that last line? _Sara's fantasy_? I think not Warrick."

"Fine. We gave them 'pretend' money to spend on a 'pretend' shopping trip during the commercial break and they are going to use the 'pretend' money to give you whatever you want."

"Want to rephrase that again?" Sara asked, turning to look at him standing offstage. 

"Sara, just go with this okay? Let's pretend that we gave all of the bachelors money, and now they are going to tell you what they would do with it to make you happy. Okay?" Brass said placing an arm around her shoulder. 

"There seems to be a lot of pretending in this round, Brass." Sara muttered. 

"Bachelor number one, please tell us what you would spend the money on!" Brass yelled, ignoring Sara's comment. 

"Well, first I'd take her out to dinner at a real fancy place." Nick began. "Then, we'd go to a show over at one of the casinos and then back to my place for drinks." 

"But Bachelor number one, that's not a total of five hundred dollars." Brass pointed out. 

"Right. I would have bought Sara a new dress and shoes, and my self a new suit." Nick said proudly. 

"What do you think of that?" Brass asked Sara, shoving the microphone into her face. 

"I think I would want to pick out the dress, not have Nicky - (an "AHEM." From Brass.) - Sorry, Bachelor number one do it for me. And we, under no circumstance, would be going to see those lions."

"But you like this idea?" Brass asked, pushing the microphone closer to her face. 

"It's okay. Let's see what the others will do."

"Bachelor number two! What would you do with the money?" Brass called out.

"I'd make sure that the body farm has some new bodies, and I'd take Sara there. I'd buy her some new equipment for her kit, make up a batch of red-creeper and we'd have the time of our lives." Grissom replied. 

Sara thought for a moment, that idea didn't sound too bad. As long as Grissom stayed home. 

"That sounds like a _very_ fun time." Brass said sarcastically. "What do you think Sara?"

"Throw in a trip to Murder Central, and it sounds like barrels." Sara said rolling her eyes a little. 

"And finally, bachelor number three, what would you do with the money?"

"I'd take Sara for a burger." Greg replied. 

"And that's it?" Brass asked. 

"Are you kidding? If I'm going to take a pay cut, I need all the money I can get. The burger will cost about twenty bucks for us both, and I'll pocket the rest. That's a net gain for me of four hundred and eighty dollars." 

Brass narrowed his eyes. "Bachelor number three, that's not the purpose of the money. It's pretend anyway. So what would you do now?" 

"Still take her out for burgers."

"You ding-dong. Sara doesn't _eat _meat." Sara heard Grissom say, and then something that sounded like Grissom slapping the back of Greg's head. "I had to learn that the hard way, so I might as well give everyone else the heads up." 

"Bachelors, lets not get curt now." Brass scolded, and then turned to Sara. "So, Sara, the moment of truth has come. Which bachelor are you going to pick. You have seven seconds."

"What?" Sara cried. "Sevens seconds to pick one of these dim-wits? This is a very tough decision, Brass, and this is going to take time and consideration and then a pro and con chart…"

"TIMES UP!" Warrick yelled, causing Sara to jump.  

"So Sara, is it going to be bachelor number one, number two, or number three?" At this the audience began to yell out numbers, "ONE!" "THREE!" "TWO!!"  They all screamed together.

"I…I…I can't decided now!" Sara stammered. "This is like asking what Stooge I want to go out on a date with!"

"Well, you better pick the right one, Sara, because we're drawing close to our allotted syndicated time slot, and other people need to use the stage. So Please pick…"

"I can't!" Sara moaned. "It is not something I can decide on a whim!"

"Well, you have to. We're giving you ten more seconds to decide, and then we are just going to give you who is behind door number two." Brass said, walking over to the side of the stage where a very large door was located. Sara didn't remember seeing that door when she came in. 

"And what's behind that door?" Sara questioned.   
"Five seconds to decide before we give you this door."

"Wait, where is door number one? You can't have door number two before you have door number one!" Sara cried, but it was at that second that a giant buzzer went off and all of the lights on the stage started flashing. 

"I'm sorry Sara, but you're out of time. This is what you get for not picking any of the other bachelors…" Brass started, and then opened the door. 

It was Hank. 

Sara screamed and sat upright on the couch, panting hard. She could feel little beads of sweat on her forehead, and she wiped them off. She looked around the break room, trying to recollect what had just happened. She knew it was a dream all along, but it felt so real to her. 

Catherine came running down the hall and into the break room. "Sara, are you okay?" she asked coming over. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Sara said shaking her had and getting to her feet. "I just had the weirdest dream though."

"Oh, care to tell?" Catherine asked as she walked over and got Sara a cup of coffee. 

"I was on the Dating Game, and Nicky, Grissom and Greg were the bachelors. You were there too, and Warrick…and Brass was the host…and Hank. God, Hank was there.  It was awful. Just _awful_." Sara said rubbing her face and took the cup from Catherine.

Catherine made her way towards the door, "Well, at least you got a little sleep in. Come on, Grissom wants us to work a homicide across town." 

"I'm coming." Sara replied, and took the last sip of her coffee. She tossed it and followed Catherine out the door. The two of them continued down the hall, until Sara passed a familiar looking door. She stopped dead in her tracks.

"Catherine, what's behind this door?" Sara asked staring at it intensely. 

"What?" Catherine asked walking over. "It's just a door…"

"No! Don't open it!" Sara shrieked as Catherine reached out and placed her hand on the doorknob. Instead of waiting to see what was behind it, Sara tore off in the other direction, running like mad. 

Catherine opened the door anyway.

Grissom stuck his head out. "What was that?" he asked, looking off down the hall to where Sara had just run screaming bloody murder. 

"Bad dream." Catherine replied, and shut the door on Grissom. 

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